Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Was Funakoshi a pussy?

Gichin Funakoshi takes a lot of shit online for not being a "fighter." Since he's been dead since 1957 it shouldn't really matter, not to mention most of the kids mocking him are not "fighters" either.

Anyway, Funakoshi didn't consider karate for fighting anyway. He considered it a last resort for self-defense and self-defense is different than fighting. When two people agree to a fight, whether it's in a ring, an octagon or a parking lot, there are rules. Obviously two assholes stepping outside at the bar will have less rules than two athletes stepping into the ring but still, a kick to the balls or a thumb to the eye is still considered foul play. Using weapons or having friends jump in is also considerd unfair. It still happens but everybody watching will have the same attitude about it. Self-defense is more like being attacked when you have not agreed to the fight, and in that case there are no rules. Anything goes.

I've only read about one altercation involving Gichin Funakoshi that actually came to blows. He was such a tiny little shit that a lot of people fucked with him over the course of his life but as far as I know it was only once that he had to use his physical skills in self-defense against another person. It was after World War II and he was an old fart walking home by himself. A veteran home from the front lines tried to rob him, grabbed his umbrella off of him and tried to hit him with it. Who the fuck carries an umbrella? Umbrellas are gay as fuck. Little girls carry umbrellas. Sometimes women do but no man should ever carry one. They're lame. So anyway, Funakoshi dodges the umbrella and grabs this character by the nuts. Squeezes him so hard that he screams and falls down and then doesn't let him go until the cops show up. Being a lifelong, obsessive-compulsive, daily practitioner of karate at that time, he would have had a pretty strong grip. That would be a pretty dirty move if they had both agreed to the fight. But since Funakoshi didn't want to fight, why should he have played by the "rules?" Plus, this guy was less than half Funakoshi's age and probably bigger than he was since Funakoshi was a well known shrimp. If he had stepped back and put his hands up ready for a fight ("get in my guard!"), he probably would have lost. He would have got his head caved in and all his shit taken. Instead he surprised buddy with a dirty trick, shocking him into thinking "Fuck, I fucked with the wrong guy."
So there's the difference between fighting and self-defense. Funakoshi wasn't a fighter, per se, but he wasn't afraid to fuck you up either if you backed him into a corner. Kind of like when you piss off a dog. It doesn't back up and go into a low stance. That's what dogs do when they want to play. When a dog wants to bite you it will just go straight for the bite, letting you know right away that he's not fucking around and you should have thought twice. Dogs know when it's time to throw down, somebody is going to get hurt or killed. Gichin Funakoshi knew it too.

Five foot fuck all of COME GET SOME!

1 comment:

  1. I like it when little gems like this turn up in your writing. When it happens it's better than any blog out there, Jamie's included.

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