Thursday, January 20, 2011

I wonder if my next-door neighbour even owns a snow shovel.

We share the same walkway, porch and stairs and he hasn't shovelled them once this year. I can't even remember him doing it last year or the year before even though I remember doing it myself a bunch of times. I haven't even seen his face this year (I've seen his fucking footprints though) never mind hearing so much as a thank you. Motherfucker has got a wife and at least two kids that I know of. None of them can shovel the goddamn porch? I'll bet if I shovel only my side next time he'll have something to say then. Probably still won't see his face though, which is just as well.


  1. Pile the snow that you shovel in front of his door.

    If you get out early enough and if it's cold enough, grab a garden hose and mist the pile so that it turns to ice.

  2. Justin, I like your style.

    Our landlord here said he would a.) mow our lawn, and b.) shovel our driveway. Today was the first time, he did it with a truck, and he's never mowed our lawn.

    Wouldn't it have been easiest to just not get anyone's hopes up?

  3. I know this goof is waiting me out over and over. It doesn't matter if I'm on days or afternoons, I'm the one who shovels every time. That fucking guy sent his daughter to my door once to tell me that my dog had shit on his lawn mere minutes after the dog had done it. I was literally putting my shoes on with a fucking bag in my hand to go and clean it up when she knocked. And he walks across my lawn all the time. In the summertime my lawn and porch are covered in mouthy kids and I know some of them are his. The TV is so loud over there I can hear it from the shitter or the backyard as if I'm in the same room.
    I'm on days next week and I'm not shovelling that snow even once for the whole week. I want to know if any of the dipshits in that house are even capable of it. He better do my side too. The last thing this motherfucker wants is a feud with me. Ask any of the assholes I've ever feuded with at work. I'm not the least bit afraid of embarrassment or humiliation and won't stop until you're more miserable than you ever thought possible.

  4. Put the dogshit in a plastic bag, put it in an envelope, and put it in his mail box.

    Oh, I pulled this prank once on an ex-employee who tried to steal $5,000 of gas from my dad... go online and sign him up for every free porn catalog that you can find. They are notoriously bad for selling addresses to other skin catalogs!