One Hundred Push Ups with PERFECT FORM!

I'll most likely take a lot of shit for this video (that is if anyone actually sees it) but the fact is it will only come from geeks who are still stuck in the 30-70 rep range when it comes to pushups. It should go without saying that they can all fuck right off. I welcome the criticism anyhow. Their hatred only makes me stronger.

Most people nowadays don't really know what pushups are for. My goal here isn't to win the prettiest range of motion award. My goal is power, endurance, conditioning and speed. So I do my pushups as fast as I can and stop well short of lockout. Admittedly, before seeing this video myself I always thought I was coming a bit closer to lockout on each rep than I am but whatever. I'm getting what I want out of it either way.

Everyone at McGrory's Boxing Club did them this way. I've seen training footage of US Navy SEALs doing them this way. I do them this way and you should do them this way too. It probably wouldn't hurt to come up a bit higher but locking out at the top of every rep is totally unnecessary and will only slow you down.

These came at the end of today's workout. The rest of which consisted of Jefferson Squats and Deadlifts, both done with a two-inch thick barbell. That's the only barbell I have right now and I have no squat rack so all the heavy lifting I do involves some element of grip work. That's not such a bad thing though because my back has been fucking with me for months. The grip disadvantage keeps the weights a bit lower for the time being. That's how I'm rationalising it anyway.

So there you go, kids, and go fuck yourselves. And do some push ups.

Something strange I've noticed.

I started working out some time back in the mid to late nineties. Back then, being big was cool but working out really didn't seem to be. There wasn't much talk about working out. Some of us did it, most people didn't. Booze and pot were cool. Lifting weights was just something you did while you were in jail. On the outside it just cut into your social life and made you an outcast. Especially if you wanted to be good at it.

Now it's 2013 and everybody works out. Working out has become trendy and cool and if you don't do it there might as well be something wrong with you. The weird thing is, being big has become decidedly uncool. It's very strange. Everybody seems to be chasing that almost big look. Everybody's posting their workouts and announcing that they're either on their way to the gym or just getting home from it but nobody actually wants to look like they work out. Skinny is the new huge. It makes very little sense to me.

                                               

Batman stuff

My daughters have recently become obsessed with Batman. It started with them seeing the new Dark Knight Returns movies. They seemed to really like the fact that Robin is a girl in that story. That lead them to having me read them the graphic novel. I read that as a kid and I forgot how much of a slow read it is; very text-heavy. It took a couple of weeks worth of bed times to get through the whole thing. Lots of politics involved too which I hoped I wouldn't have to explain. But all my girls really gave a shit about was the girl Robin anyway.

 

Next they had me read them The Killing Joke because they wanted to know more about The Joker and, morbidly enough, to see him shoot and paralyze Batgirl (you have to understand that this was all during a period of about a month of them watching The Dark Knight Returns multiple times per day, having it read to them every night and asking me questions about Batman every day).

The next one they wanted me to read them was A Death In The Family because they wanted to know all about how the second Robin got killed.

That was another thing. This whole thing started (as far as I can tell) with them loving the idea of Robin being a girl. They pretend to be the girl Robin constantly now. Actually I think one of them is Robin and the other one is "The Night Beauty," some superheroine they made up so that neither of them had to be Batman. So when they can't convince me to play Batman they just use their imaginations and pretend he's around somewhere. The only problem I have with any of this is that I have to keep telling them to stop jumping on my bed and climbing on dangerous shit in the basement, which they call "training." But anyway, their obsession with Robin drove them to interrogate me constantly about all the different Robins and what happened with them all. I stopped reading comics shortly after Tim Drake started as Robin so all I really know is that one of them grew up, one of them died and then there was another one. I have no idea if there even still is.

So I read them A Death in The Family because they wanted to know about Jason Todd being killed and I also told them all about how it was a voting thing where the readers had to phone in whether they wanted Robin to survive or not and that would determine which version of the next part of the story would get released next. I think I was in grade 4 at the time when it was actually happening. Incidentally, I don't remember myself or any of my friends liking Robin. We all wanted him dead. He's almost always a stupid character anyway that usually serves very little purpose, looks faggy as Hell and adds nothing to the credibility of the main character. But whatever, modern kids seem to like him. I remember my son being a big fan of Robin when he was a kid too.

Then something strange occured to me. The Dark Knight Returns originally came out in 1986. In that story, Jason Todd is dead and Bruce Wayne feels really guilty about it. It's hinted that Jason's death is the main reason for his retirement. But A Death In the Family was written in 1988. So the idea of him being killed already existed at DC. Essentially, Frank Miller had already killed him. The whole voting thing two years later was just a formality.

Since I've been going through my old comic books and reading them to my daughters I've decided that Frank Miller is my favourite writer for Batman. Apparently after The Dark Knight and Year One, every other Batman story he wrote turned out to be absolute shit but I've never read any of them so I can't really say. But The Dark Knight Returns and Year One shit all over Christopher Nolan's movie trilogy. Granted, The Joker was pretty awesome in the second movie but other than that I just wasn't as impressed with that series as it seems everyone else was. Frank Miller is among my favourite artists for batman as well. At times his art was a bit difficult to make any sense of but ultimately it was a better imagining of the character than most. His artwork in Sin City later was much improved though.

I always liked Norm Breyfogle's artwork in Detective Comics too.

Hard to find many good examples of it online for some reason. It was awesome anyway.

Asshole.

Look at this greasy motherfucker! These pieces of shit clearly cannot be trusted. They can't even trust one another. They need to be just wiped out. Zoos are useless as any and all attempts at rehabilitation have proven unsuccessful time and time again. It hasn't worked in the past and it won't work in the future. If we're not going to round them all up and systematically gas them out of existence then maybe we should ship them all to Mars. I've seen quite a bit recently about colonising that shithole joke of a planet. That's never going to successfully happen either but why not send the chimps in first anyway? All of them. They're not doing anyone any good down here. Nothing but an embarrassment to this planet.

 I wonder if they taste good. At least then their continued existence could be somewhat justified. Until they've all been slaughtered anyway. Then we could just move on.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre

The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre is one of my favourite movies. I've always loved the rawness and intensity of it. I like the rest of the series too but none of them have ever compared to the original. They're bizarre and they're fun to watch but that's all they are. Caricatures of the original.

So now this is coming out:

I'm a fan of the franchise and I'm sure it will be good. But "good" is all I'm expecting here. I really can't see 3D adding anything to the experience. And the worst part is that I can already tell from the previews that they're still stuck in the trap of having some good-looking broad cop an attitude by the end after she's had enough and all of a sudden get brave and start fighting back. Fuck off with that.

The beauty of the original is the unrelenting terror throughout the whole thing. The protagonists are scared shitless the entire time. Right from the point when they meet this asshole:

From this moment on, you know the rest of this movie is going to be FUCKED UP

 

Some truly inspired artwork here

 

SLAM!

Iconic scene

 

Here's what you get, bitch

 

"Hit that bitch, Grandpa! Gimmie that hammer, I'll hit that bitch!"

 

Even the big, black trucker is pissing his pants.

 

She escaped. YAY! About as happy an ending as you could expect.

She'll be traumatized for the rest of her life.

A broken, shell-of-her-former-self therapy case who will suffer from nightmares until she inevitably kills herself.

 

 

See? That's a good horror movie. I don't need to relate to the characters and I don't want to root for them. Not even in 3D. I just want to hear them scream and watch them die.

 

I'll probably see the new movie eventually. It will most likely follow the classic premise of the series. A van full of naive teenagers/20-somethings picks up a hitchhiker, ditches him quickly for being a freak but ends up broken down on his property later where his family has been eating people for a long time. Mayhem ensues. Except that these young people will be sleek and sexy and they'll only be scared for the first little while before they get pissed off. Act three will be violent, but boring and lame. I'd love to be wrong.

Fucking Shin Guards

On Christmas Eve I bought myself some of these shin guards.

"Kanpeki Elite Shin/Instep Guards" made by Hayabusa



The first thing I noticed when I tried them on at home was that they were pretty tight. They felt fine once I got them on but they took some effort to put on. On the bag they felt awesome. I noticed that they were a size Medium later that night though and thought to myself that I probably should have gotten them in Large. So for a few days I really wanted to use them again but had to hold myself back because I wanted to go back and exchange them for the next size up.

So anyway, today I took them back and found out that everything by Hayabusa is out of stock all over Canada and will be until February. So goober at Fight Zone more or less talked me into exchanging them for these:

Venum "Green Viper" Standup Shin Guards

These definitely wouldn't have been my first choice but the guy let me try one on in the store and throw a few kicks at a Thai pad. They felt ok at the time. I had to pay another $11.38 on top of the exchange because they were more expensive. Now that I'm home and have actually tried them, however, they're total shit compared to the Hayabusas. Maybe I shouldn't say total shit but I definitely don't like them as much.

The standup style of shin guards are big and clunky. Not comfortable at all to move around in and more awkward to kick with than the grappling shin guards above. Grappling style shin guards also don't slip as much.

Something else I noticed, that may have been my own fault, was that I had more of a tendency to hit with my instep rather than my shin with the Venums. Just one more thing not to like about them.

So, long story short, Hayabusa's Kanpeki Shin/Instep Guards > Venum Standup Shin Guards. They're lighter, immeasurably more comfortable despite being a size too small, easier to move around in, WAY less gay-looking and possibly just easier to land proper kicks with. I think tomorrow I'm going to re-exchange them. Buddy at Fight Zone will most likely be annoyed with me but he's scrawny as fuck anyhow so fuck him. He can bitch about me on his Facebook page after I leave.

Since my martial arts background is primarily in taekwondo, I was taught to strike with the instep when throwing roundhouse or front kicks. And that was fine back when I was a teenager, but my feet just aren't having that anymore. Taekwondo is a full-contact sport but it's full-contact on a level nowhere near muay Thai. Thai boxing has been field tested to an extent that taekwondo doesn't even come close to. It's decades (if not more, taekwondo is still fairly young as martial arts go) ahead. It's no surprise then that the Thais strike with the shin rather than the instep.

Being reluctantly biased towards taekwondo for a long time, I gave up on shin conditioning several times over the years and would always go back to striking with the instep. I'd rationalise it with one stupid ass reason after another but really it just came down to not having the patience to go through the learning curve of switching from instep striking to shin striking.

If you want any longevity in your ability to throw powerful kicks I really believe now that you need to learn how to use your shins. It hurts a lot at first but the bone itself is very durable so despite the pain and the bruising it isn't likely to break like the foot or the ankle is. Knowing how to kick is useless if you can't land with power and you can't do that if you've crippled yourself after years and years of pounding on your feet.

Taekwondo came to Korea from Japan, where it came from Okinawa. The Okinawans aren't big on competition so their karate tends to revolve more around conditioning and kata. The Japanese, on the other hand, love their violence and saw no point whatsoever in practicing karate if you weren't going to use it against other people. It was still considered too dangerous for full contact though so they went with point sparring. That was a douchebag move. Anybody who thinks he's so fucking "lethal" that he can't properly fight someone who is equally skilled has about a 99% chance of being completely full of shit with about as much experience in fist-fighting as a home-schooled retard. So I think the Japanese just never figured out that if you want to fight with kicks, you can't be smashing your feet constantly. Although kyokushin did eventually come along in Japan (developed by Mas Oyama who was Japanese but had Korean blood) and its competitors are known to kick with their shins. It just makes more sense with full-contact.

When karate arrived in Korea, during and after World War II, it was in the form of battlefield hand-to-hand fighting to the death. That means it amounted to not much more than punches to the head and low front kicks. A lot of the fighting between North and South Korea at that time was done in the pitch black of night with no guns. They didn't want to shoot at each other because they couldn't see each other. So they'd run around in the dark and grab each other by the hair. They could tell by the length of another soldier's hair which side he was on and if he was the enemy, he got got a punch in the face for it. Sounds crazy but you can look this shit up. Apparently it was normal to wake up in the morning on a battlefield and see dead soldiers lying in ditches with their faces smashed. Anyway, as effective an acid test for any martial art as that sounds like, not too many roundhouse kicks would have been thrown so they wouldn't have cared whether you landed with the shin, instep, ball of the foot, heel or whatever. And in all likelihood they would have been wearing combat boots anyway so it woud barely have mattered. It wasn't until after the Korean War (which technically isn't even over) that the Koreans started to become more interested in developing their martial arts. First order of business was to change the name of it from karate to pretty much anything that was not Japanese. Kuk sul won, moo duk kwan, tang soo do, tae kwon do... It went through several names before they finally landed on taekwondo. Next thing they needed to do was to ramp up the intensity of competition. They needed to prove themselves tougher than the Japanese, after all. So they started actually hitting each other but with foam pads on their hands and feet. It was a step in the right direction but still incomplete.

The feud between the International Tae Kwon Do Federation (ITF) and the World Taekwondo Federation (WTF) involved a shitload of torture, murder and all around international political espionage and didn't leave much room for actually developing the art itself. Ultimately, the WTF won and got into the Olympics while the ITF fucked off to North Korea where the focus seems to have gone back to military style hand-to-hand combat. For whatever reason, the WTF decided to pad the chest and stomach and strike with bare feet. Okay.

Well, the Koreans wanted to dominate martial arts all over the world. Taekwondo is the most commonly practiced martial art so they obviously succeeded in doing that but I think they did it by appealing to the kids who wanted to do fancy moves like in the movies rather than people who just wanted to effectively kick the snot out of each other. This happened over the course of the 60s, 70s, 80s and early 90s when MMA hadn't come fully into fruition yet so most people were still under the assumption that if it looked good on a movie screen it was good enough for real life. They needed to set their style apart from kickboxing to get it into the Olympics, so there is no punching to the head, no striking below the belt (you can block or "cut" an oncoming kick with the feet), more points for a kick to the head than a kick to the body and no points at all for body punching. The fighting is also meant to be continuous rather than point based, where you stop and restart after each landed blow. What this all amounts to is an exciting sport full of quick, combination kicking with jumps, spins and all kinds of fancy, fun stuff. There are plenty of knockouts but it's the kind of thing where two people will crash into each other in mid-air, both fall to the ground and one will get up. Matches are three rounds and rounds are two or three minutes. Most of the mid-level kicks aren't thrown with full power because they're merely setups for the big jumping spin kick to the head. So while the knockout is still ultimately the goal, realistic combat practicality is secondary to the overall aesthetic of the fight itself. I have nothing against it, I had a lot of fun with that sport when I was a teenager, but you can see why the necessity to kick with the shins just never arose. Round kicks with the shin aren't as conducive to speedy combinations and don't look as cool. There you have it.

In Thailand, however, fighters were kicking absolute fuck out of one another in long, drawn out bloodbaths for a really long time. And the allowance of punches to the head makes a big difference. It's no good to use quick, snappy roundhouse kicks to set up a spinning aerial head kick when you might get knocked out with a punch in the jaw before you can pull it off. And it makes sense that it wouldn't have taken them long to figure out that if you swung your shin like a club into somebody's ankle or thigh over and over you could wear him down to the point where you'd have a much easier chance of landing that shot to the head with a punch or a kick that would knock your opponent out. Their sport evolved differently and anyone who wanted to keep fighting for a long time had to take care not to cripple themselves by damaging their feet in the process.

In any case. I'm learning more and more that it makes sense to develop the ability to land kicks with my shins rather than with my feet. I'm still not thrilled about the learning curve and conditioning process involved so I want a decent pair of shin guards. And these Venums aren't living up to my expectations. I feel like if I keep them I'll probably never even use them  because they feel like shit. But the Hayabusas I had just a few days ago I was actually excited to use. So despite them being a pain in the ass to pull on, I think they're the better choice. I just hope fuck face at Fight Zone hasn't already sold them to some other asshole before I can get back there.

Fuck. I forgot what I was even writing about for a while there.

Johnny Grube's Wildman Training

I originally bought this on a whim. I'm pleased with it though. I told Johnny Grube I'd write him a review and I've been meaning to get around to it for a while now. This book is the very definition of no fluff and straight to the point training information. No backstory on how and why he discovered this method of working out. No long-winded explanation on why it's better than any other approach. No scientific mumbo humbo. It's very streamlined in that regard but that can be a good thing. I usually don't give a shit about much of that other stuff anyhow.

http://www.wildmantraining.com/
That's his website. Johnny Grube is a simple, blue collar guy who loves to work out but doesn't want to waste a lot of time at it. That being said though, he's good at working out. According to the above website he's set several world records.
His methods are extremely basic. I like that. The basics are what work and they always will. He really likes bodyweight training as opposed to lifting weights. Although he does lift things like punching bags, rocks and logs, the majority of what he does seems to revolve around calisthenics, skipping and sprints, which is very similar to what I've been doing the past couple of years. I can't remember how long it's been now since I last picked up a barbell and I don't give a shit either.

I guess Grube used to lift weights and it sounds like he was better than average at it with some impressive numbers to show for his efforts. Hip belt lifts with over 1,200 lbs. Push presses with 285. Deep squats with 600. Just some examples he's told me about.

He's the guy on the far left here. Back when he worked as a professional wrestler. I think he's only 5'5" or something like that but not exactly small by any means. I guess he got sick of lifting weights when he entered a toughman contest and was dead tired by the end of the third round. That'll happen. This lead him to become interested in what he calls "conditioned strength." In other words he wanted to get his ass in shape.

Here he is more recently. Much smaller but definitely not weaker. His barbell lifts have undoubtedly gone down but he can move furniture or load trucks all day long without getting tired. He's also capable of some really impressive one-armed pushup variations. But his endurance has become much better. He told me that a few years ago his muay Thai instructor would have him doing bag work mixed with calsithenics for about an hour before sparring with him and still couldn't finish him off even after 10+ rounds. He attributes this to his quick, fast-paced bodyweight workouts as opposed to heavy weight lifting and sprinting as opposed to long distance jogging.

With that, I've already given you more background on the man than his book even comes close to. But I wasn't looking for an autobiography when I bought it so that's fine.
His Wildman Training Manual is put together very cheaply. That doesn't bother me at all because I only paid 20 bucks for it which is by no means expensive when it comes to books about working out. The pages have printing on only one side, it's full of typos, spelling errors and bad grammar but the information as a whole is very solid. I recommend it to anyone who likes this kind of training.

Grube's workouts are extremely fast-paced with a heavy emphasis on the legs. They look easy on paper but so do a lot of things. Nothing about it is easy and if it is then you're not going fast enough. It's as simple as that.

His diet advice is equally simple. Eat as naturally as possible and drink plenty of water.

Let's see, for the book as a whole I'd give it three out of five stars. That's only because it needs some heavy editing. It's not as bad as what Steve Justa put out a few years back but still, that many grammatical errors is a distraction to the reader. It's what in professional writing they call noise. The book would have been quite a bit thinner if the pages had had text on both sides. That just seemed strange. I guess it's all in what you make of it though. It's spiral bound and about the size of a magazine so it's easy to lay out flat somewhere and the printing on only one side doesn't make it any more difficult to read. In Grube's defense, he's not a guy who makes his living from the fitness industry so if he's put this together and published it by himself to sell through his website as a way to make some extra money on the side then he really shouldn't have to spend a lot of that money making his books look pretty. I don't blame him at all. If you were buying something like this off of me you'd be lucky if it wasn't hand scrawled with a crayon on the back of a used Kleenex.

As far as the content itself I'll give it a five out of five easily. This is good stuff. Get your punk ass off the couch and train! Work out for as little as five minutes at a time and multiple times a day if you can swing it. You can do this stuff in your basement or backyard, while walking your dog or playing with your kids at the park.

Quick aside: My dog is being a real douchebag right now. If he was a person he'd be waking up with some serious bruises for acting like this. Fuck dogs are stupid. Filthy four-legged attention whores. This moron can't even grasp the concept of fetch. I throw a ball, he chases it while growling as if he's pissed off that it's getting away, and then he brings it back and puts it on the floor between his own front paws. He won't give it back to me though. I have to fight him for it as if it's the last beer in the fridge at a house party. What an asshole.

When The Wildman Training Manual arrived, Grube had thrown in another of his books, How To Build Explosive Pushup Power, with it. My review of it is pretty much the same as the Wildman Manual. It's put together and written in the same way but the content is very good. Lots of pushup variations to choose from and a very straightforward method for doing a lot of them. I've personally improved my pushup numbers considerably in the month or two since I read it. I rarely got past 70 before but could do 100 in about five minutes. My best recently is 150 consecutively and while I haven't timed myself yet I won't be surprised if I can do 100 in about 60 seconds now. Grube's method isn't rocket science and I actually feel kind of stupid for not thinking of it myself but it works. Very effective.

About a week after I had ordered from him I was talking to him on Facebook about skipping ropes. I mentioned that I use a weighted steel jump rope because all the speed ropes I've ever owned broke in a matter of months. And while I like the steel rope, I was starting to miss the quicker aspect of training with a lighter speed rope. He told me that he has speed ropes specially hand made for him by kids with learning disabilities (or something along those lines) and offered to send me one for free. It arrived a few weeks later and it's been great. I use it almost every day and I'm not noticing any significant wear and tear yet. If it does ever break I'd have no problem buying another one off of him.

Why did he give me these freebies? I don't know. It could be just because he's a solid guy and he likes to make his customers happy. It could be because I've become somewhat of a reluctant, low-level online fitness celebrity. Either way I'm happy with the products and would buy more from him.

Book reviews aren't really my thing so I hope this all came off as positive because that's what it was meant to be.

Big thanks to Johnny Grube.