Sunday, October 4, 2015

Bruce Lee Stories

If you believe everything you've heard or seen about Bruce Lee, don't shit on anyone else' beliefs. As a matter of fact, go fuck yourself.

 I'll tell you a 100% true story about Bruce Lee. I ran across him in a Harveys once and walked over to talk to him.
"What's up?" I asked him as I ate one of his french fries. "You're Bruce Lee, right?"
And he's like,"No," and he wouldn't even look at m
"Who's this?" I asked him, taking another french fry and gesturing to the broad he had sitting across from him.
"That's my side girlfriend. Look, we just want to be left alone."
"Oh yeah?" I took his old lady's purse, opened it up between my legs, farted in it and tossed it back to her, hitting her in the chest with it kind of accidentally but whatever. I took another french fry.
Fucker grabs me by the wrist before I can get the fry into my mouth and is all like "HWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Well BAM! I slapped his fucking milkshake right out of his other hand and said, "Motherfucker, do you know who the fuck I am?"
"Yeah, you're Glen." He was trembling a bit by now. I grabbed a good handful of french fries, shoved them in my mouth and got in his face.
"That's right, you little shit. And if I ever see you in Harveys again, you're getting a fucking smack."
And I haven't seen him there since. And that's a true story. Add it to your collection.

Sunday, July 26, 2015


What the fuck is this shit? It's fashionable now to be a nerd. This has to be some kind of cultural backlash to try and make being uncool seem like it's ok. And that's fine, but this is complete bullshit. What if something like this takes off and becomes popular? What if enough cute girls come across ads like this and think "OMG! I would totally wear that. I read books and stuff and I FUCKING LOVE SCIENCE!"

What happens to actual nerds in that situation? What happens to the guy who actually has some brains to him, studies hard and takes all the advanced courses in high school? The guy who actually learns about science and doesn't just click Like on every touched up picture of outer space or quote from Neil DeGrasse Tyson. The guy who is not allowed to come anywhere near this fucking girl, never mind talk to her, without being laughed at and shoved. And what the fuck would they talk about anyway? Her favourite TV show on the Discovery channel?

Seriously, what the fuck happens to this guy?

What is he even called now? He's not cool enough to be a nerd anymore. It's not like these guys (or girls) are suddenly just going to be accepted into the popular crowd. The popular kids aren't just going to offer their hand out and bring them all up a social level because they watch some of the same movies and play some of the same video games. The concept of popularity hasn't changed. So actual nerds have, if anything, only been pushed even further down the social ladder. Now that being a "nerd" is cool, it's less cool than ever to be an actual nerd.

Granted, some of these nerds could clean up their fucking act a little bit. Stop letting their moms dress them, do some fucking push ups, kick the next person who picks on them in the balls, start talking to girls instead of jerking off to bullshit like this:

                                             Buddy, she wouldn't give you the fucking time of day in real life.

Actually stand the fuck up and declare that you're a human being and have accepted yourself for who and what you are. Stop taking so much shit from people who won't give the slightest fuck if you kill yourself. Just be overall less of a pussy. But don't let the cool kids decide shit like this for you because that will never work. You have to say "I'm good enough to be one of you." 
Not sit around with your thumb up your ass while they say "We're good enough to be a little bit like you, and cherry pick bits and pieces from your culture as we see fit, but you'd better keep your fucking distance or we'll kick the shit out of you and nobody will give a shit because you're not even a blip on the social radar."

I don't know. Maybe I don't have the answers but I sure as fuck know that neither does any goofball fashion designer.

Saturday, July 4, 2015

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Being a scientist would be one of the coolest jobs. Get granted a shitload of money. Design something no one understands without you explaining to them what it is. Promise results gleaned from popular science fiction. Every once in a while show some report of progress. Make sure your data is impossible to read by any layman. The more complicated, the better. It doesn't have to be accurate. It doesn't even have to be true. It just needs to be explained in such a way that you get another extension on your funding. Buy a few cool looking machines. Spend the rest on beer and weed. I just need an interesting enough hypothesis to get that first chunk of "research" money to get started...

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Everyone thinks it's funny to get me pissed off until I get pissed off. Then they start blubbering about pressing charges or bullshitting about coming back with a weapon. I can remember a pivotal time in my life when I decided that I'd rather have a family than end up in prison. I still think I made the right choice but it hasn't always been easy. Not because I don't love my family but because of the degradation that someone like me is forced to endure after choosing that path. I'm forced now to take orders from people whose heads I could easily crush with my bare hands. And these pussies know it. I see it in their eyes and I hear it in their voices. They enjoy their positions of authority. What they don't like is those brief moments when the authority changes hands. An otherwise empty washroom, a bar patio, a parking lot or sidewalk. I could go on but it makes no difference anymore. I took the square route and now I have to follow the rules. It's a matter of time though. I can feel it coming. My fists get hungrier every day. Somebody needs to get the MacCharles Makeover very soon. I'll be damned if I'm going to take this rage out on my wife or my kids and I've already taken more than enough of it out on myself. I don't expect life to be fair and I never have, but I shouldn't be the only one it's unfair for. I look at certain people and just pray for the moment. Run that mouth again right now so I can ruin it for you. You'll never talk, smile or eat the same way again. And for the rest of your life when you catch that stupid-looking face of yours in the mirror you'll have to think to yourself, "Fuck, I guess it wasn't so funny to piss Glen off after all."
I wonder if there's ever been a better time in history to be a weak ass, chickenshit pussy who is incapable of individually defending himself. Weakness is disgusting. A luxury that I'm thankful I was never able to afford.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

If you ever meet Jesus, kill Him. That's what He came here for.