Thursday, July 17, 2014

You can't afford to be useless

The absolute worst thing a man can be is useless
You can get by on stupid
You can get by on ugly
But you cannot get by on useless
Not for a moment
Violence and oppression equal control. Don't talk about it, use it or have it used against you.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Stupid Expressions That Get Used Online

mind = blown
Nothing on here is "mind-blowing." Pull your faces away from those screens in your hands and experience some shit in real life.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore
Go live somewhere else then. You might want to think about your options first though, if you're capable of thinking anymore. Don't rule out suicide. That might actually be a great way to blow your mind.

Wake up
Who are you to tell anyone to wake up? You're on the Internet, motherfucker. You're not awake. As a matter of fact you probably should be sleeping, but you're not asleep either. You're in some kind of transitional, in between state of consciousness that your precious, beloved science probably hasn't come up with a word for yet. Oblivious to the real world and relentlessly tearing through "cyberspace," looking for opinions in line with your own and getting offended by any that aren't.

Where is the outrage
Take a look, numbnuts. It's everywhere.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Broken Issues

These guys are friends of mine. Follow them on Sound Cloud or be a goof.

And anybody who doesn't like them needs a smack.

Batman said he'd rather listen to something else. 

Now all he's listening to is the ringing in his ears.
And you're next!

Thursday, July 3, 2014

The Fitness Industry thrives on Hate

 A friend of mine linked this page on Facebook. Twenty-one people having more fun in the gym than this broad.
My foot's broken right now so I've got a lot of time to sit still. So I wasted some of that time letting it piss me off and ranting about it.

This sort of thing is a big part of the reason I stopped training in gyms. What gets me about pages like that is that they're clearly written by people who suck at working out and have become bitter about it because they'll always suck.

It may seem like sour grapes but the fact is it ends up being people like me who get pressured away from gyms so that haters like this can have them for themselves. And for what? Just so they can find more and more shit to hate about everybody else there. 

The girl with makeup. What?! Who the fuck cares?

The guy who tries to lift "too much." Fuck off. Who are you to judge? If you want to be strong, sometimes you're going to fail some lifts.

The person texting between sets. Unless I was waiting for the squat rack I never cared what anybody did between sets.

Personal trainers. I never needed one so they used to leave me alone.

The overachiever. Jealous? Guess what, haters, the "over-achievers" are not even aware that you exist. You're invisible to us. Pylons. It's not because we don't like you, you just don't matter.

The addict. The addict is even less aware of you. Some people actually like working out and go to the gym because that's where the weights are.

The know-it-all. Ok, nobody likes a know-it-all. Gym setting or otherwise.

Person trying to talk while you're wearing headphones. Seriously?

Person taking selfies. I can't comment here because these people didn't exist yet when I was still training in gyms.

The couple. Boo-fucking-hoo. So you can't get in shape and you can't get laid either.

The person who just goes to stretch. How does anybody even have the spare time to notice this? Fuck, go lift something. Never mind who's stretching.

The person who forgot to wear clothes. Whatever. I don't like clothes. Hate all you want.

The person rocking her new Lululemon. I don't even know what this is.

The person who forgot to wear deodorant. I've probably been this person, but in my defense I can't smell myself. Anyway I used to go to gyms to lift weights. If I had gone to just hang out and hate I wouldn't have sweat so much but I also would have been a loser.

Creepy guys watching girls from the back. I can't relate to this one either because I never did group classes. I was too busy lifting weights and minding my own business and being hated on for it. 


Old naked people. Get over it for fuck sake.

People who don't wipe off machines. Wipe it your goddamn self.

People who only go the beginning of January. Ummmm... So?

Person taking enough space for three people. Fuck off! Grow some fucking balls. You want space, take it. If you can't take it, it was never meant to be yours.

The noise maker. This is me right here. I make a lot of noise. I'm also pound for pound one of the strongest steroid-free lifters in Ontario so I'm obviously doing something right. Put your fucking headphones on. You won't need to worry about me talking to you, I'm busy.

The socialiser. The haters might have friends too if they did anything other than bitch about what everyone else in the gym is doing.

Honestly, 21? This bitch narrowed it down to 21. That means before she narrowed it down she must have had more than 30 different archetypes that she just couldn't stand at the gym. Seems to me that she just doesn't like going to the gym. There's a simple solution to that. Don't fucking go. Leave it for the people who actually want to be there.

The fitness industry caters more to the people who hate working out and hate anyone who likes working out than it does to the ones who actually enjoy it. 

I don't even know why people like this join gyms. Or why they feel the need to work out at all. They'd clearly be happier doing something else. Health reasons seems like the obvious reason. First thing I thought of anyway. Like their last doctor's appointment didn't go so well so now they're going to get in shape by joining a health club. It's not healthy for you though if it's stressing you out that much.

Motivation seems to be very popular right now. Everybody wants to motivate each other to work out. Not me. Not with everybody anyway. I say if you don't want to work out don't I'd rather talk those people out of working out. Find a hobby you enjoy instead. Kind of like I did when I started lifting weights as a teenager. 



Thursday, June 12, 2014


On Saturday I did the Mudcat Festival Strongman Contest again. Second Place this year. The guy who won came second last year and swore he was going to train his ass off and beat me this year. So good for him, I guess. If I'm going to lose to somebody it might as well be a guy 10 years younger than I am who devotes a year of his life to doing it. I dominated the lightweight division at the Mudcat for 13 years, maybe it's just his turn.

My wife couldn't come this year because she was working so I don't have a lot of pictures and videos to post like I usually do. My brother got some but he hasn't sent them to me yet so I haven't even seen them. I do have one video though and it's pretty much the only one that matters as far as this post is concerned anyway.

It's being a pain in the ass to upload. What the fuck?

Not my best performance ever but it's the same number of reps I got last year with, I believe, the same amount of weight. Thing is, I didn't even train the overhead press this year.

I had a back injury at work this winter which set me back a few months in training and I had a shoulder injury about a month ago that set me back again so "training" wasn't much at all this year. But a few months ago I made a friendly bet with my friend Johnny Grube that I would use pushups as my only upper body exercise leading up to the competition this year. He gave me a copy of his new book to read and I promised him I'd give him an honest review of it after the contest.

See, I'm not like other assholes online who skim through a book and then immediately post a positive review for their buddies. I'm all about results and any book about pushups is only as good as the results you achieve after you've read it.

As you can see, the book is entitled simply PUSHUPS and that's exactly what it's about. Johnny Grube has literally written the book on pushups. There are other ones out there, sure, but fuck them. They're not written by a guy with 14 world records, are they?

There are some typos and grammatical errors but they're easy to look past. Honestly, if you're the type to get hung up on that sort of thing, it's probably not just a coincidence that you also suck shit at pushups. I'll give you some free advice: Fuck off.

In cases like this it's the content that matters anyway and this one is as solid as you need it to be. Nothing complicated, no silly contortionist acts or circus bullshit. If you've been stuck hovering around 50 reps for a while you can get to 100 pretty easily within a few months following the guidelines Grube puts forth in this book. You'll also find a very commonsense approach to getting better at one arm pushups without any of the tricks and silliness I've seen elsewhere.

What I started to find during this experiment was that my shoulders started to adopt a different resting position than what one might get when regularly using the allegedly Russian high tension parlour tricks or slow motion nonsense that's currently popular for whatever reason. Not that it probably matters much but it was something I noticed. I also noticed my traps getting denser and becoming more involved whenever I would do pushups.

Coincidentally, the form Johnny Grube recommends for the basic pushup is the same as what all the fighters at McGrory's Boxing Club use here in Hamilton. Do your pushups this way for a while and you'll notice your punches get faster and crisper. I did. And my arms started to get a very solid feeling from the inside out, much like the type of strength your legs have just from the simple fact of them being used to support your weight for long periods of time. And on any occasion that you feel like doing some letter perfect form pushups, the best warmup for that I've found yet is 100 reps done explosive style like you'll read about in this book. It doesn't have to be 100 reps. It can be more or less than 100. But if you do as many as you can this way, your body suddenly has no choice but to use what's commonly thought of as "perfect form" if you hope to do anymore. Next thing you know, you're doing well over 100 reps in a set when you add it all together. And the concept is so simple I'm embarrassed I didn't think of it myself years ago.

There's more than just basic pushups covered in the book as well. And very possibly quite a few things you've never thought about trying before. You can get very strong doing a lot of pushups even if all you do is the basic two arm floor variety. It's all in how you attack them. It's almost a week ago that I put up more than my bodyweight over my head 11 times (I weighed 167 lbs that day) without even picking up a barbell most of the year and I wasn't fucking about with low rep "progressions," I was doing shitloads of pushups. As far as upper body strength is concerned I had no problems with any of the other events that day either. No more than I would have had if I'd been training with weights anyway. And pushups are cheaper and way more convenient.

Go to any weight room and have a look around at how many dipshits and geeks are crowding around the bench press stations. How many of them are strong? Truly strong? A very small percentage at best. Bench presses are a shitty exercise. Pushups are awesome. Anybody who can do 100 or more reps at a time is going to be unmistakably strong regardless of their size or build.

I don't actually know what Amazon is charging for this book. I got a signed copy for free because I'm way fucking cooler than you. But whatever it is, if you have any interest whatsoever in improving your ability to do quite possibly the best upper body exercise of all time and definitely one of the best overall exercises of all time, it's worth it. Get it, read it, use it or remain a nerd and a wannabe for the rest of your life. It's as simple as that.

If she reads that book before you do she'll be able to kick your ass. Put a bag on your head next time you shower.
You probably don't shower.