Thursday, December 2, 2010

Nutrition Advice

There are three basic food groups. Pizza, Wings and Beer. It's important to maintain a balance between all three for optimum results.

First, you've got your pizza.
This serves primarily as your starch and secondarily as a source of protein and fruit and vitamin minerals. Important for energy. There is plenty of variety in this food group. I suggest you stick with Hawaiian most of the time because apparently pineapples make your jizz taste good. Your wife or girlfriend can thank me. And if you don't have an old lady, well, then I guess that makes you a fucking geek, doesn't it? Go read somebody else' blog, pussy.

This waste of flesh is "between girlfriends" at the moment. What else have you two got in common?

Next, you've got your wings.
This is your protein. Important for building and maintaining muscle. Like pizza, this also comes in a multitude of varieties. For the sake of simplicity we'll narrow them all down to mild, medium, hot and miscellaneous. Unless you're a goof you should be eating hot most of the time. Miscellaneous is alright once in a while but if you're caught eating medium or mild, lynch yourself.

Caught in the act eating medium wings. He did the right thing.

And last but not least, you've got beer.
This is important for so many reasons that it's well beyond the scope of any blog post to explain them all. Basically it's what you use to wash down your pizza and/or wings. Beer comes in an almost endless number of varieties and where beer is concerned, when it comes to quality, cheaper is better. If you happen to be feeling in a particularly affluent mood, upgrade to whiskey for the evening. The same rule applies.

There you have it. All the nutritional advice you'll ever need. Don't say I never gave you anything.