Remember when kids used to taunt each other with sayings like that? I used to find the above statement absolutely hilarious. Maybe it's because my dad didn't live with me growing up so I just didn't have the same kind of pride projected on him that other kids had on their dads. Or maybe it's because my dad was so old that it just never occurred to me that he could beat up anybody.
That's him holding my oldest daughter (she's eight now) with my brother and me in the background. I think he was 79 at the time. He died shortly after his 80th birthday. My brother is, I believe, four years younger than I am and we're the youngest and second youngest of 11.
Apparently my dad was quite the scrapper in his day, growing up in various orphanages and foster homes in Nova Scotia and doing manual labour jobs most of his life. He actually had a lot of interesting stories that I may or may not save for another post someday. But you can deduce from the above picture that his fighting days were clearly well before my time. I do remember him hitting me with his cane once. He was like a fencer with that cane when he wanted to be.
Anyway, I was thinking earlier today that I wonder if kids even use that expression anymore, "My dad can beat up your dad." First of all, how many kids even have "dads" anymore? The survey I live in is mostly single moms who are on welfare. I could count on one hand the number of dads I've seen around here and I know I'm the only one with a job. Secondly, how many kids' dads these days even invoke the kind of manliness that would make their children think they can even fight, never mind beat anyone up?
What will become the equivalent of "My dad can beat up your dad" in the future?
A few possibilities might be:
My dad's watched more UFC than your dad!
My dad would P\/\/N3d your dad at Call Of Duty! (face to face conflict on the schoolyard will be a thing of the past. All arguments will most likely be texted)
My dad's meme posts get more Likes than your dad's!
My dad's vlog get's more hits than your dad's!
My dad has more Twitter followers than your dad!
My dad can memorise more song titles than your dad!
My dad's more of a geek than your dad!
Fuck all that. I might just start encouraging my kids to tell all their schoolmates that their dad can beat up anybody else' dad. What's the worst that can happen? Some drunk welfare bum shows up on my porch one night looking to get knocked out? Like I give a fuck.
The Dad Who Beats Up Other Dads
And his cardio is fucking solid too
The dad who buries women in the ground and then stands on them
The dad who will hook a goat right in the face
The dad who picks up barrels and carries them around in the bar
All other dads pale in comparison
Somebody else' dad