How to Fall Asleep

How to fall asleep:
Lay down and relax. Particularly concentrate on relaxing the muscles in your face. Start counting your breaths. Don't worry about breathing deeply or slowly as that will work itself out. When you get to 10, start over at one. When your mind starts wandering and/or you lose count, start over at one. Don't get frustrated, just do it. You may have to periodically go back to relaxing the muscles in your face. Before you know it, you'll be dreaming and this works every time. If it doesn't work for you, don't complain to me. Just go ahead and add falling asleep to your long list of failures and move on. Stay awake for the rest of your life. Now you can get frustrated.

Napping is one of life's great, underrated pleasures.

Offensive Bullshit Commercial

I guess according to Planet Fitness, anyone who enjoys lifting weights is a big dummy like this character.

I'd like to go to a Planet Fitness just to see how many times I can set off their lunk alarm without leaving the gym. There is no person in any Planet Fitness anywhere on Earth who could physically remove me from any room.  I would go there just to fuck with them one time and then never go back. And truthfully, I'll probably never go there since according to them I'm a visible minority who should be discriminated against.

But as for the real reason anyone would belong to a club like that; I have no fucking clue. It seems to be the ultimate paradox unto itself. These people seem to hate themselves, hate working out, and hate anyone who likes working out. They have no interest in making any improvement or progress because then they would become the very thing that they despise.

I imagine the average Planet Fitness member has spent the last decade on the couch, elbow-deep in a bag of chips. Probably the type of lethargic turd with legs that steps onto an escalator and just stands still until they reach the top. For whatever reason, they start to feel guilty about this and their self-loathing compels them to join a gym. You know, because it's impossible to get in shape without paying a lot of money for it. It's not like you could ride a bike or go for a walk or do anything that you learned in Phys. Ed. class as a child. Things have to be more complicated than that so these lardbags go and sign contracts so they can pay to act like gerbils for a little while (and they'll continue paying for it long after they've quit doing it because they're STUPID). Next thing they know, they realise they're so intimidated by anyone who has already been at this since before they jumped on the bandwagon that they can't bring themselves to put forth any actual effort. For this they have to blame someone else and it must (apparently) be the fault of people like me.

Lifting is the one sport where, if you're any good at it at all, everyone (including fellow athletes) will accuse you of cheating. And since it permanently changes your physical appearance you can't ever hide the fact that you're a lifter. And because of that appearance, non-lifters will assume that you're unintelligent. So I guess these non-lifters are so offended by repugnant "lunks" such as myself that they felt the need to start their own exclusive little club wherein they can "lift" in peace.

This whole thing makes about as much sense as someone who hates bowling, and bowlers even moreso, insisting on hanging around in a bowling alley. And actually having their own private bowling alley provided for them and anyone else who hates bowling. Make sure it's really expensive so as to keep out the riff raff. It should also be added that instead of actually bowling in this bowling alley, you just sit around and laugh at how pathetic you think actual bowlers are.

One of the funnier videos I've watched in a while

Some artwork I made at work today.

I like to use scrap pieces of steel to practice bending while I'm at work. It just gets thrown away after forgotten about but one of the guys I work with took a picture of this one with his phone.

Charlie Bronson

Like a lot of people, I find this man fascinating. He's a proper lunatic. It astounds me when a relatively normal person can go so completely apeshit for no apparent reason. I've observed this sort of thing (on a much smaller scale obviously) in real life with many of the guys I grew up with. It's almost like violence is an addictive drug.

Solitary Fitness is one of my favourite books that I've read on working out. Anyone who can follow this regime and put 100 per cent effort into it will end up a powerhouse. Much easier said than done when you consider that "Bronco" himself has got literally all the time in the world to do pushups all day long but there's still a lot you can take away from it. Some of the isometrics are brutal and they tire you out fast. For my neck in particular I've found they work better than anything else.

There's a lot more to it than just a collection of exercises though. It's an all encompassing system and method of healthy living along the lines of Charles Atlas' Dynamic Tension or any of those old fashioned mail order fitness courses. A very interesting read, if nothing else, just because of the perspective he brings. Some of the shit he writes is literally laugh out loud funny. For me anyway, but I'm an asshole and make no apologies about it.

What are You Good At?

Everybody is good at something, aren't they? What are you good at? What particular talent or skill are you known for among your little network of "friends" and acquaintences?

Have you ever noticed that very successful people tend to be at least moderately attractive? That's probably part of the reason they're successful. It goes way back to their childhood, most likely. Rather than being shut down or ignored, they were encouraged to develop their talents because everyone was happy to see them as it was and wanted them to see them succeed.

If you ever had some talent or skill but never developed it to the point of it being something you're at least well known for, go and take a look at yourself in the mirror. You probably look like a can of smashed assholes with a head like a sun-fucked onion.

Thanks for reading, you ugly fuck.

Boxing Practice Tonight

Normally Monday, Wednesday and Friday nights are for the little kids but with last night being Boxing Day the gym was closed. So the little kids trained tonight with us.

Wow. I've never seen so much boundless energy wasted. That's a bit harsh. Some of these kids are absolute machines. One little guy with an afro was running laps around everybody and didn't seem to get tired at all. Thing is, even with all that energy they sure do whine and groan a lot.

"Oh, more pushups? Ohhhh!"

If only these kids had any idea what it's like to not have that energy anymore and have to really work at it. It makes me wish I'd gotten into this sport a lot earlier. I dabbled in wrestling in the sixth grade but unfortunately none of the schools I went to after that had a wrestling team so I never got the chance to get really serious about that sport. That's too bad because I really do believe I would have been good at that one. In high school I competed in taekwondo and did a tournament every two months. Sometimes every month. I also played a ridiculous amount of ball hockey but being Canadian that almost doesn't even count. We all play ball hockey. Then of course there was strongman which I did for about 10 years. But nothing I've done so far compares to boxing. Especially for what it costs. My gym is only $25 cash per month. No contracts or anything and you get exactly what you put into it.