Sunday, February 19, 2012

How to Fall Asleep

How to fall asleep:
Lay down and relax. Particularly concentrate on relaxing the muscles in your face. Start counting your breaths. Don't worry about breathing deeply or slowly as that will work itself out. When you get to 10, start over at one. When your mind starts wandering and/or you lose count, start over at one. Don't get frustrated, just do it. You may have to periodically go back to relaxing the muscles in your face. Before you know it, you'll be dreaming and this works every time. If it doesn't work for you, don't complain to me. Just go ahead and add falling asleep to your long list of failures and move on. Stay awake for the rest of your life. Now you can get frustrated.

Napping is one of life's great, underrated pleasures.


  1. Nice. Apparently in the absence of industrialisation it was common the world over to break sleep into at least two segments. In some places (presumably warm ones) it was in the afternoon, but in Britain everyone would wake up for a while at 3 or 4 am and fuck.

  2. Sounds like a good plan. Staying up too late is probably what causes a lot of modern health problems. And most people aren't having nearly enough sex.

  3. Would you be able to write about balancing taking care of your family on the one hand; with being an asshole on the other?