Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Getting Up Off The Couch

I have a certification in standing up off the couch. I've held off on giving them out to anyone else because, quite frankly, this is top secret stuff and I'm very tempted to keep it to myself.

But for a limited time I will be selling a 10-page booklet which contains all my notes and diagrams collected on the subject over a period of more than 30 years (a $99 value)

Also for a limited time, you can upgrade to my book and DVD package (a $999 value)
The DVD contains live, real-time demonstrations of most of my advanced techniques, along with tips on avoiding injury and various progressions from beginner to intermediate to advanced. There is also a section containing several routines with detailed explanations on sets, repetitions, and exercise combinations.

For a limited time you can get all this for just $29.99 for the book only or $299.99 for the book and DVD.

If you're really lucky, my fingerprints will be on it (a $99 value). But for an extra $25.00, I'll sign the fucking thing (a $999 value).
You'll be able to show it off to your friends!

The above offer is not actually real. Feel free to send me cash, cheques or money orders but do understand that you will receive nothing in return.

Monday, September 9, 2013

School Bullshit

Twice last week I saw this picture posted on Facebook. I'm actually surprised it wasn't more times but all I can guess is that enough people realised right away that it's stupid so it faded away. I'm sure I'll see it again though.

This is a stupid picture. There are no two ways about it. It's fucking stupid. Anyone who shares this picture trolling for Likes is clearly an imbecile. Either that or they just never went to class. Either way, all that shit was covered in school. With the exception of voting everything up there was covered in high school math. I honestly don't remember much about politics being covered until college and I understand not everyone goes to college or university but still. "How to vote?" That's not exactly rocket science, is it?

As far as the Pythagorean theorem goes, I used to use it all the time back when I was framing houses in my late teens so I, for one, am glad I know it. Every carpenter probably knows it and I really doubt that carpentry is the only trade that needs it.

Basically, anybody who would wear that T-shirt is a moron.

Here's another one I've seen posted and I've seen this one a lot. So I guess it implies that school isn't fair because everybody's different and will have different strengths and skills. Well, life isn't fair! OK, so the monkey and the bird are going to ace this exam and everybody else is going to flunk. Too fucking bad. There are certain things everybody needs to learn and be capable of because that's just how society works. Fit in or fade out. You don't have to like it. People who can't read or problem solve are going to have bigger problems in their adult life than they ever did with not enjoying basic subjects in school. The implication set forth in this picture is a gross exaggeration anyway, lets face it.

Now, I hated school just as much as anybody else so I'm not trying to say that I was some fantastic student or anything. I definitely wasn't. I used to get suspended all the time and the biggest lessons I remember from my experience in school are that 
1. Might makes right and 
2. Ugliness is a crime.

To a lesser extent I learned that popularity is the most important thing you can strive for, you can never let anyone know how poor you really are and virginity is for losers.

Yeah, real important stuff, I know. But the fact remains, it's a process everyone in the civilized western world goes through. So whatever you didn't learn, it was probably your fault.

Saturday, September 7, 2013


Lately I've been reading old issues of Sergio Aragones' Groo The Wanderer to my daughters. I forgot how much I used to like those comics. Any of the ones I have are from around the mid to late 90s but it's surprising how the messages and morals contained within the stories are still very relevant.

I hate ninjas and apparently so does Groo. Ninjas only exist for the sole purpose of getting beat up.

I'm tempted to go find the back issues I'm missing at one of those comic book stores and try to complete my collection now but I have no idea how expensive that would be and I think it's going to rain today anyway.

The girls still like Batman too. They've got my wife making them Robin and Catwoman costumes for Hallowe'en.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

No real reason for posting this other than it's awesome and if I uploaded it anywhere else it would have been automatically shrunk down in size.

A bunch more pictures just for the Hell of it.

Sunday, September 1, 2013


The next big craze in greed is going to be knowledge. The more of it you have, the less of it you believe and the more of it you want.

Money will eventually be so scarce that it will become more or less obsolete. A few small groups will have it. All of it.

Everyone else will just work to stay alive. They'll never have more money than they need and they'll need all that they have so they'll end up not putting much value on it.
Knowledge, on the other hand, will be highly respected and prized. And for a long time it will be easily acquired and traded freely.
People will begin hoarding it. They'll all want more than anybody else. And they'll covet what knowledge anyone else gotten to first. Whoever controls the knowledge will control the population. So they'll attempt to devalue some bits of it in order to increase the value of others. They'll collect what's valuable and discard what isn't, decreasing its value even further. Next thing you know there will be small pockets of knowledge hoarders each proclaiming their own collection as the definitive "best" and "most valuable." Population control is important so certain groups will want to kill the others in order to monopolize the knowledge and ultimately assert more control.
Somewhere along the line it will be necessary to try and stop the free flow of knowledge. Each group will need to convince their share of the population that they have all the knowledge they need and there is no need to acquire anymore. They will have to stop accepting new knowledge to avoid any internal conflict. Troublemakers will be made examples of and then publicly executed.
I have a feeling things like this are cyclical and a few hundred or thousand years later we'll be back to chasing money again. But as for right now, people are probably more easily manipulated by controlling their knowledge rather than their money. More and more people are starting to hate money. But more and more of them are starting to love knowledge. It's all about the times.