Monday, January 7, 2013

Texas Chainsaw Massacre

The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre is one of my favourite movies. I've always loved the rawness and intensity of it. I like the rest of the series too but none of them have ever compared to the original. They're bizarre and they're fun to watch but that's all they are. Caricatures of the original.

So now this is coming out:
I'm a fan of the franchise and I'm sure it will be good. But "good" is all I'm expecting here. I really can't see 3D adding anything to the experience. And the worst part is that I can already tell from the previews that they're still stuck in the trap of having some good-looking broad cop an attitude by the end after she's had enough and all of a sudden get brave and start fighting back. Fuck off with that.

The beauty of the original is the unrelenting terror throughout the whole thing. The protagonists are scared shitless the entire time. Right from the point when they meet this asshole:
From this moment on, you know the rest of this movie is going to be FUCKED UP
Some truly inspired artwork here
Iconic scene
Here's what you get, bitch
"Hit that bitch, Grandpa! Gimmie that hammer, I'll hit that bitch!"
Even the big, black trucker is pissing his pants.
She escaped. YAY! About as happy an ending as you could expect.
She'll be traumatized for the rest of her life.
A broken, shell-of-her-former-self therapy case who will suffer from nightmares until she inevitably kills herself.
See? That's a good horror movie. I don't need to relate to the characters and I don't want to root for them. Not even in 3D. I just want to hear them scream and watch them die.
I'll probably see the new movie eventually. It will most likely follow the classic premise of the series. A van full of naive teenagers/20-somethings picks up a hitchhiker, ditches him quickly for being a freak but ends up broken down on his property later where his family has been eating people for a long time. Mayhem ensues. Except that these young people will be sleek and sexy and they'll only be scared for the first little while before they get pissed off. Act three will be violent, but boring and lame. I'd love to be wrong.


  1. I heard it was shit. I might wait to download it.

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