Saturday, April 30, 2011

It's Time To Introduce Mr Music to Mr Fist

Lenny's actual push-up routine

In his own words:

"Each card represents the number of push-ups to do. A=1, 2=2, 3=3, etc. What I used to do is flip over cards until I reach at least 10 reps (eg. 4 of hearts + 8 of diamonds = 12 reps). Take the same amount of time for rest as your last amount of reps (13 reps, 13 seconds of rest). Take two-minute rest after ¼ deck. Repeat until all cards are done.
If you used Ace as one through King as 13 you will have completed 364 reps! If Ace as 14 you will do 416!
Do the deck thing twice & then finish off with sets of 10 or so using the same principles as with the deck of cards until you've reached 1000 reps.
This is just a guideline. You may want to try a way that suits you better."

Saturday, April 23, 2011

My Dog is an Asshole

I took him with me for a stone-lifting workout today and he kept pissing on all my stones. Every time I'd walk away from one he'd piss on it unless I caught him in time and yelled at him. He's the second dumbest dog I've ever met. He did piss on another dog's face for mouthing off through a fence though. That was pretty good.

Friday, April 15, 2011


Some people listen to Slayer, and some people are complete and utter pieces of shit.

Which one are you?

Seriously, if you don't like this song you are legitimately retarded. High-functioning at best.
Don't leave your house ever again; you suck.

Here are a few more selections to hopefully smarten you the fuck up:

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Beauties vs Geeks

This weekend's episode of Wipeout Canada's theme is Beauties vs Geeks. Who will you be rooting for? Knowing you lot it will probably be geeks.

Believe it or not, I'm on this episiode too. My stomach is anyway. I'm Ennis Esmer's body double. I haven't seen it yet and I imagine if you blink you'll miss me but you should watch it anyway.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Motherfuckers I roll with




All-around Winners

I haven't got time to be fucking around. While goobers like you are wasting valuable time, I'm getting shit done, son!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

I got First Aid certified today.

By the Canadian Red Cross no less.
The world is a safer place already.

My bike's brakes are failing periodically. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don't and I almost never know when. it will happen. But if I get slammed by a car or smash myself into a pole I'll be able to give myself first aid. Nothing to worry about over here.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Workout stuff I recommend

Keg Conditioning by Dave Lemanczyk. This method is so simple it's retard-proof. It's my favourite of the bunch. Brutally effective and the best deal you'll find for your money. If you don't get results from this it's because you suck at working out. Go watch some more TV, lardass.
Rock Iron Steel by Steve Justa. It pays to be resourceful and Steve Justa is just that. When it comes to working out, whining about what you don't have or what you can 't do is for goofs. Are you a goof? You should be able to use any tool at your disposal to get stronger.

Solitary Fitness by Charles Bronson. This is actually an all-around health and fitness guide along the lines of any of those old mail-order physical culture courses, only a lot less gay. Not only that, it's fucking hilarious too.
"I think fat people should actually be shot -- they are repulsive to look at. If your pet dog got so fat, you might have to have it put down for health reasons. Do your sit-ups, you lazy bastard!"
Fucking awesome.

Infinite Intensity by Ross Enamait. If you're like me and you like simple and effective workouts then this book is great. If you're like everybody else and a bit of a mongoloid who needs every single aspect of this shit explained to you and all the reasons why it works with a whole bunch of names of Russian scientists you otherwise never would have heard of dropped as if that makes the whole philosophy so much more authentic, then this book is for you too. The perfect blend of straight-to-the-point physical effort and mind-numbing scientific mumbo jumbo.

I get asked a lot what books I recommend reading when it comes to working out. I've read a lot of them but most are just half-assed copies of each other. Very few actually stick out in my mind for any reason. Most of them actually kind of suck. Some retards can't read enough about this shit. They'll buy book after book and spend a fortune on a library of crap with the pathetic attitude that if they learn at least one thing from each one then it was totally worth it...


If that's what you think then you're a tool.

Sooner or later you need to stop reading and start doing. Eventually it will hit you how simple it all really is. The more effort you put into your workouts the better you get at working out. The more effort you put into recovering from said workouts, the better you get at recovering, the sooner you can work out again and the faster you get the results.

More on the great Lenny Islami

He's done more pushups during work than you've done during workouts.

One time some years ago back when Lenny still used to drink heavily and regularly, there was some asshole walking around the bar mouthing off that he could knock anybody out with a headbutt. Lenny went up to him and said, "Yeah? Well why don't you headbutt me?"

So buddy did.

Lenny went downstairs to the bathroom and washed the blood off his face. Then he went back upstairs and demanded to know who the fuck had just headbutted him. When this character came up and said it was him, Lenny punched the living shit out of him for it.

Total dick move.
Hilarious as fuck though.

I just used a Neti pot for the first time.

This is the exact one that I have

I felt like shit earlier and I feel less like shit now. As far as I'm concerned, these work.

I'm on the front page of the newspaper today.

I'm also apparently the most memorable part about my episode of Wipeout to Jessica Phillips.
 None of that is the point today though. I work with a guy named Lenny Islami. His real first name is Latif but he's gone by Lenny ever since he was a kid. His mother is Catholic and his father is Muslim but he describes himself as "not religious." Either way, at 42 years old he's one of the strongest guys I've ever worked with. Yesterday I saw him press a 214 lb stainless steel square over his head, and he doesn't even work out! His previous best was a 210 lb piece of steel and that was years ago.

Lenny used to work out when he was younger and he lived at the YMCA. When you live at the Y you get to use the gym for free and Lenny saw no reason not to take advantage. When asked about his best lifts, he claims he once bench pressed 350 lbs at the end of a chest workout just to see how much he could do. He told me his old workout routine once and there was nothing special about it. The standard bodypart split, three to five sets of eight to 10 reps, something like that. Nothing particularly unique about it. By his own admission he never put much effort into training his legs or his back.

When he moved out of the Y, he no longer had access to a gym but he still wanted to work out and here's where it gets interesting. Taking his inspiration from former NFL star Herschel Walker, Lenny started doing pushups. It sounds like pushups were pretty much the only exercise he did. While Walker also included sit-ups in his own routine, Lenny doesn't like sit-ups. So twice a week Lenny would do a deck of cards' worth of pushups. It didn't take long before this wasn't enough and he'd start having to do the deck twice. Before he knew it he was doing 1000 reps a day twice a week. He worked out a system where the minimum number of reps he could do at a time was 10. So if he drew a three, he would draw again and if he pulled an eight, that was 11 reps. If he pulled a two, drew again and pulled a five, he'd draw again, so on and so on until he'd gotten a minimum of 10 and then do that many reps. Resting between sets for as many seconds as he had just done reps, so if he did 15 reps he would rest 15 seconds. Face cards and aces apparently all had different values to him and I wish I could remember the exact details of that right now. Maybe I'll edit this later on after I talk to him again on Monday.
The exact details of Lenny's pushup routine are not important anyway. He doesn't work out at all anymore, just quit smoking (and he smoked A LOT) and he can still manage to pick a 214-lb steel square up off of a table, press it over his head and then carry it in that position to another table. No small feat of strength. When he was bodybuilding (recreationally), his workouts were nothing special. A 350-lb bench press is well above average but hardly Earth-shattering. A thousand pushups twice a week, however, is very unusual indeed. He trained that way for about a year or two before eventually losing interest in working out. He says his best time for doing 1000 reps was 38 minutes. Every once in a while the bug bites him again and he'll spend a month or so doing pushups beside his machine in sets of 50 every hour on the hour. Even that is still pretty good but it's always short-lived and he stops before he gets himself back into shape. In any case, he obviously built for himself a foundation for pressing strength that's going to last him a long time. That says a lot about pushups. They're a very underrated exercise by most people. When pushed to their extreme, they're one of the best exercises you can do.  - The mighty Lenny's facebook page. Because you know you want to be friends with him.