Thursday, August 29, 2013


Sapiosexuality is a fetish that I see more and more people on Facebook claiming to have. Some of them might even make believe they have it in real life; I don't know. It apparently means that you're sexually aroused by intelligence, whatever the fuck that means. That's probably not the stupidest thing I've ever heard but lets face it, it's definitely up there. What I think is that people are posting this with the hope that they themselves will be seen as intelligent by default. And they want all the "intelligent" people on their "friends" lists to Like it so that they too can pass themselves off as intelligent.

 "Hey, everybody! I'm really smart over here! 
I fucking love science and everything! 
Like this post if you also feel like I'm (I mean you're) really, really smart too!"

For some reason this reminds me of the slutty, duck faced selfie-whores that pretend they're into "geeks" by posting skanky pictures of themselves wearing glasses or  posing next to some kind of Star Wars or video-game paraphernalia. These douchebags aren't into geeks. They just know that geeks make very easy targets. The word geek isn't even used properly anymore. It used to mean someone who was so awkward and/or ugly that he or she was socially intolerable. Now it just means someone who is kind of cute, possibly somewhat introverted, and maintains a strong attachment to all the stuff they used when they were kids as a substitute for actual human interaction. Toys, comic books, video games, movies, etc. It's cool to be a geek nowadays, so long as you've got the right looks, fashion sense, etiquette, wit, charm and politically correct opinions. It's no different from being part of any other clique. "Geek" is a social statement now. The people we used to call geeks are even worse off now then they were 20 years ago. They're completely off the social radar. They may as well not even exist. That's not entirely true. The reality is that they're the ones running and maintaining the media that keeps our modern, popular "geeks" in contact with each other. They're also the ones who fucking do science instead of just "fucking loving" it, for whatever that might be worth.

Anyway my guess is that sapiosexuality probably wasn't even a word 10 years ago and is, at present, something that only exists online.

So I'm actually expected to believe that anyone is legitimately turned on by intelligence? Like if your waitress can add up the bill in her head, Rain Man style, you're gonna pop a boner even if she's really ugly? Fuck off with that. I guess you jerk off to university lectures instead of porn too. Claiming to be sexually aroused by something is not the same thing as being attracted to it. Attraction I could see. Like if your waitress is really pretty and then she adds up the bill in her head and you think, "Wow, she's smart too! I should ask her out."
The arousal thing, on the other hand, would be creepy and weird in real life. Get the fuck over yourselves already.

Her actual boyfriend would happily beat the shit out of you just to make his buddies laugh. 
She would happily watch.

Well let me tell you something. If sapiosexuality was a real thing I would definitely have it. I am that fucking smart. I'm so God damned smart I would only be attracted to women with quadruple digit IQs who spoke multiple languages that I can't even understand. I'd have a whole harem of these bitches because I'm so fucking smart that just one woman genius would never be enough for me. I wouldn't even be interested in physical intercourse at all. We would just sit around next to a huge fireplace reading books and discussing everything we hate about movies while we masturbated to the rhythm of classical music until the floor was flooded up to our ankles in cum. I'd be the most sapiosexual motherfucker around.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Cowapalooza Strongman Contest

Cowapalooza Strongman Contest
Woodstock, Ontario
August 17, 2013

So I did another strongman contest today. No weight classes this time, just two open classes. One for men and one for women. I knew going in that I was going to be the smallest competitor so I wasn't expecting to win anything but the first event was an axle deadlift for max weight and I just really wanted to find out how much I can deadlift on an axle right now when the pressure is on.

The last time I did an axle deadlift in competition it was way back in 2006 and I managed 480 with a rising bar format.

I didn't win that contest but I won that event and I was very proud of that lift. I had been training for it for a while and I really wanted to get 500 lbs that day. I wrote the number 500 on the wall behind my machine at work and told all my friends and family that I was looking for 500 lbs in this event.

I already had the win with 480 but I asked for 500 anyway, just because I really wanted it that bad. Here's how that turned out:

If I could have just gotten it past my knees I could have gotten away with hitching it because hitching is legal in strongman but I just couldn't pull it far enough. So while I was happy with 480 and the fact that I won that event, I've always wanted to deadlift 500 lbs on an axle in competition. And today was my chance.

In today's contest it was a rising bar format again but instead of having to attempt every weight, you had to choose three attempts like in powerlifting. The weight started at 305 and went up 20 lbs at a time. I chose 445 as my opener.
Ridiculously easy and I felt like I should have shot for more.
For my next attempt I went for 505, which was as close to my goal for the day as I could get with the 20 lb weight increases.
While this was also easier than I expected it to be, I tore a callus off and didn't notice until I walked away.
For my third and final attempt, I went for 545. I figured since I had already hit my 500 lb target I might as well aim high and see what I could do.
Yeah, that was a mistake. Looking back, I should have gone for 525 instead. Oh well.

The next event was an axle press for reps with 215 lbs. Those wheels are bolted into place on the axle so they don't turn at all. I've never used non-revolving weights before so I was a little unprepared for the "clean" portion of this lift.

That continental was tough. The press itself was comparatively easy but I didn't get any points for it because I couldn't stand still long enough. That was disappointing but I told myself going in that I would be happy as long as I could get just one rep and as far as I'm concerned I did. I've got a nice bruise across my ribs from those continentals. That bar was ridiculous.

Third event was a combination of duck walk and sled pull. The duck walk was 301 lbs and I did that easily. The sled pull was 455 lbs and I was barely able to budge the fucking thing. It was way harder than I thought it was going to be.

Unfortunately I lost a few more calluses during that sled pull. My hands took a beating today.

The final event was a farmer's walk with 231 lbs per hand. That weight would have normally been well within my ability but with so many calluses having been torn off my hands, it turned out to be not easy at all. I could barely hold on to the handles.

This moment here is when I ripped whatever calluses I had left off of both hands.

I don't know why my hands were so uncooperative today. It was very frustrating to say the least. Pretty painful too. Especially when I wash them.


Oh well, it was a fun day anyway and you don't get any stronger by not competing. I'll chalk it up as experience. I didn't expect to win but I didn't expect to lose chunks of flesh out of my hands either. I'm disappointed but I haven't been competing as much as I used to these past couple of years so maybe that's what I get for allowing myself to go soft. Maybe I should start soaking my hands in pickle juice or something.

That's all the competitors from the men's division today. 
You can see that the next smallest guy is still at least 40 lbs heavier than me if not more.

I came in dead last but it wasn't a total loss. Considering I took this contest for the sake of only one event and surpassed my goal for that event by five lbs. I'll relish in that small victory over the next few weeks while I'm waiting for the skin to grow back on my hands.

On a side note, I also went out with the wife to see Kick Ass 2 tonight. Good movie. I think I liked the first one better but that's probably because the sequel lacked much of the shock value that the first one had. Not taking anything away from it though. I definitely liked it.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Great song from my 10-year-old second cousin

Iron Man
Running over fat kids in my van

Ring my bell
All the little fat kids run like Hell

Bodybuilding is Evil

It's true. Bodybuilding is evil. As a matter of fact when the US Navy SEALs caught up with Bin Laden they found him between sets in a home gym equipped with 150 lbs of weight and an adjustable bench that had attachments for preacher curls and leg extensions. No squat rack! He was taking a picture of himself with his phone in front of a mirror with his T-shirt pulled up to his chin and checking out his abs in the reflection. Needless to say, shot on sight.

It has also been rumoured that he had the plates for his barbell on backwards, with the smooth sides facing in and the numbers facing out. Like so:
Absolutely disgusting.

Saturday, August 10, 2013


How do those knuckles taste, chump?

Help yourself to some floor for dessert.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Talking Chimps

Countless chimps have been taught to communicate with humans using sign language. They can and will answer questions but no chimp has ever asked any human being a question of any kind. They have no interest in you, your culture, your civilization or your precious science. No respect for anything you hold valuable. Given the chance to evolve any further, they will devour you and leave no trace of humanity's existence. Probably claiming shit like Stonehenge and the Pyramids as their own. They must be stopped now!