How to fall asleep:
Lay down and relax. Particularly concentrate on relaxing the muscles in your face. Start counting your breaths. Don't worry about breathing deeply or slowly as that will work itself out. When you get to 10, start over at one. When your mind starts wandering and/or you lose count, start over at one. Don't get frustrated, just do it. You may have to periodically go back to relaxing the muscles in your face. Before you know it, you'll be dreaming and this works every time. If it doesn't work for you, don't complain to me. Just go ahead and add falling asleep to your long list of failures and move on. Stay awake for the rest of your life. Now you can get frustrated.
Napping is one of life's great, underrated pleasures.
Monday, February 13, 2012
I guess according to Planet Fitness, anyone who enjoys lifting weights is a big dummy like this character.
I'd like to go to a Planet Fitness just to see how many times I can set off their lunk alarm without leaving the gym. There is no person in any Planet Fitness anywhere on Earth who could physically remove me from any room. I would go there just to fuck with them one time and then never go back. And truthfully, I'll probably never go there since according to them I'm a visible minority who should be discriminated against.
But as for the real reason anyone would belong to a club like that; I have no fucking clue. It seems to be the ultimate paradox unto itself. These people seem to hate themselves, hate working out, and hate anyone who likes working out. They have no interest in making any improvement or progress because then they would become the very thing that they despise.
I imagine the average Planet Fitness member has spent the last decade on the couch, elbow-deep in a bag of chips. Probably the type of lethargic turd with legs that steps onto an escalator and just stands still until they reach the top. For whatever reason, they start to feel guilty about this and their self-loathing compels them to join a gym. You know, because it's impossible to get in shape without paying a lot of money for it. It's not like you could ride a bike or go for a walk or do anything that you learned in Phys. Ed. class as a child. Things have to be more complicated than that so these lardbags go and sign contracts so they can pay to act like gerbils for a little while (and they'll continue paying for it long after they've quit doing it because they're STUPID). Next thing they know, they realise they're so intimidated by anyone who has already been at this since before they jumped on the bandwagon that they can't bring themselves to put forth any actual effort. For this they have to blame someone else and it must (apparently) be the fault of people like me.
Lifting is the one sport where, if you're any good at it at all, everyone (including fellow athletes) will accuse you of cheating. And since it permanently changes your physical appearance you can't ever hide the fact that you're a lifter. And because of that appearance, non-lifters will assume that you're unintelligent. So I guess these non-lifters are so offended by repugnant "lunks" such as myself that they felt the need to start their own exclusive little club wherein they can "lift" in peace.
This whole thing makes about as much sense as someone who hates bowling, and bowlers even moreso, insisting on hanging around in a bowling alley. And actually having their own private bowling alley provided for them and anyone else who hates bowling. Make sure it's really expensive so as to keep out the riff raff. It should also be added that instead of actually bowling in this bowling alley, you just sit around and laugh at how pathetic you think actual bowlers are.